


Headfirst For Halos

by Cyber_Grape_aka_Jay



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Demon Shane Madej, F/F, F/M, Hamilton References, Haunted Houses, Kidnapping, M/M, Multi, Oblivious Ryan Bergara, Serial Killers, Shane has a sister, it’s Weird
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-10 11:54:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17425406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cyber_Grape_aka_Jay/pseuds/Cyber_Grape_aka_Jay
Summary: Shane Alexander Madej has lead a long and lucrative life. From being born at the beginning of the revolutionary war in 1776, to his sister being born in 1786, to his mother dying in childbirth and father dying of Fever and finally ending up in the care of his family friend, Hercules Mulligan. But in 1796, when his sister, Matilda Savannah Madej, was ten she died of a fever.Cut to him in Hell, becoming king of hell (Supernatural logic guys) and his sister haunting him as a ghost.A couple centuries later he’s on Earth playing the role as co-host of Buzzfeed unsolved, Shane is going to a house that belonged to a serial killer, specifically The bride killer, a man who murdered brides the day before they’re weddings, dressing them in they’re wedding gowns and killing them via strangulation or drowning, with Ryan and his sister hiding in the shadows.But Powerful forces are at work in this house and no matter how powerful he is, his sister isn’t. Now he has to either reveal the truth to Ryan or loose his sister forever...(Title inspired by MCR, Original characters including some demons! I hope you enjoy!)





	1. Dancing with the devil and his sister

**Author's Note:**

  * For [burdened_with_glorious_hunters](https://archiveofourown.org/users/burdened_with_glorious_hunters/gifts).



> Matilda Savannah Madej has always haunted her brother, even when he was in hell. And since he’s charaded as a human Matilda has followed Shane around, scaring away less powerful ghosts and scaring Ryan. But now there’s more powerful forces and Ryan’s coming closer to finding the truth about Shane and Matilda....

Shane Madej rolled his eyes looking at the Victorian gothic house. It does look intimidating but Shane can’t sense anything demonic about it. “How many bedrooms does it have again?” Shane looks over at the driver, his best friend Ryan Bergara.

“Three. Why? Don’t wanna share with me Bigfoot?” Ryan jokes, pulling into a driveway that goes around a water feature.

“And not sleep for two weeks? I’m good Ryan.” Shane says, opening the door as soon as the car stops. As he walks to the boot of the car, with all the luggage, he glances at the stairs and winks at the apparition of a young girl. The girl gets up and walks over, through Ryan, giving him chills, and stands next to her brother.

“Jesus. I just got literal chills...”

“Did someone step on your grave Ryan?” Shane jokes. “Or was it a ghost? Ooh.” Matilda chuckles next to him, invisible to all living beings aside from Shane.

“Shut up Shane.” Ryan rolls his eyes, getting out the camera equipment. Shane gets out his phone and begins filming for his social media’s and the future video.

“Ryan just got a chill down his spine, because he doesn’t understand how temperature works. He says its a goul- goul.” Ryan rolls his eyes at Shane’s antics and they begin walking inside, Shane continuing to film. “Hey gouls! The boys are here!” Shane yells as Ryan opens the ancient door. The inside is red, black and gold. Shane stops filming.

“We gonna do the intro or-?”

“Find a bed far from me, then the intro.” Ryan says.

“Good for me baby.” Shane says, grabbing the remainder of his stuff and, as soon as Ryan goes back out to the car, gives some to his sister to help up to the bedroom. The first door he opens is labeled, the Ripgrave room. From what he remembers this was where the bride killer would keep memorials of the victims, usually an organ and their engagement ring. “Just there Tilly.” Shane gestures to a chair to place his stuff.

“You nervous?” Matilda asks her big brother. Shane looks down at the forever ten year old and kisses her forehead.

“Theres nothing to be scared of Tilly. He’s in hell. We checked, remember?”

“I meant the victims. One helped with the murders and two were prostitutes he ‘married’.” The girl, materialising slightly makes air quotes.

“King of hell. Princess of Hell.” Shane points at both of them before kneeling down. “Nothing is powerful enough to hurt either of us. No angel, no demon. Only god, and he’s chilling in Switzerland right now and Lucifer, who’s trapped in the cage.”

“What about Lust and Endsong?” Matilda asks.

“Kay loves you and Jaiden would burn anything that touched you. She’s still trying, remember? And she’ll be popping in with Kay to keep you safe.”

“Ok.” Matilda nods. “What about Ryan though?”

“I’ve gone five seasons and we’ve been fine. I can touch salt, not burn at ‘holy water’ and we can’t be exorcised. Ryan has never suspected me of anything but a skeptic.” Shane rubs his sister shoulders. “We’ll be fine. And its just a month Tilly. Then you can go and visit dad. And mum. And Aunty Elizabeth and uncle Mulligan and all our aunts and uncles and cousins. I promise.”

“I don’t trust a demons promise.” Matilda jokes, before hugging her brother, fully materialising. When Shane pulls away he looks up and down his sister. She’s only five foot, with long loose light brown hair, hazel eyes, pale skin, freckles and minor vitiligo on her stomach, chest and shoulders. She’s in what was her favourite clothes when she was alive, a floor length light green gown that Elizabeth Schuyler-Hamilton and her sisters Angelica, Margarita and Catherine, who had been two years younger than Matilda, while Cordelia was an infant, had made her when for her tenth birthday, six months before she got six, eight before she died. It was in the popular style for the time.

“Stay here while I’m with Ryan. Come down when I call, ok?” Shane says. Matilda nods and hugs her older brothers middle, before disappearing.

 

~o0O0o~

 

“This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved we will be investigating the home of Messiah Killgrave, aka the bride killer, to try to answer the question, Are ghost real?” Shane shakes his head. “This is the house of a fucking serial killer...and we’re staying here for two weeks. The house is open for renting nearly all year, being equipped with more modern elements over the past ten years. And we’re freaking staying here. For two weeks!” Ryan yells.

“Why do you do this to yourself?” Shane jokingly asks. Ryan rolls his eyes.

“The house of a serial killer, where he killed, tortured and buried his victims during the late 1800’s to early 1900’s, how could this not be haunted?”

“Pretty reasonably not, maybe some remains but probably not haunted.” Shane says.

~

_Built in the early 1800’s by relatives of famed revolutionary war hero John Laurens, the house was built near John Laurens last battle, to honour him. For the first fifty years the house was relatively normal. Notable residents include the cousin of Mary Shelly, author of Frankenstein, Alexander Hamilton jr’s son and his wife and Oscar Wildes uncle. Then, in 1882, the house was revamped into what you see today, aside from the lighting, fans, fridge and modern technology.”_

_**Wait wait wait! I’m sleeping on a hundred plus year old bed?** _

_**No! No, no, no. Thats also new.** _

**_Thank god!_ **

“ _Later that year a man named Messiah Killgrave moved in. Killgrave was born in 1857, in New England, making him 30 when he moved in. He was orphaned at a young age and was raised by his uncle, who was an alcoholic, but apparently very caring and charitable. Killgrave killed him when he turned 23, his first murder. Using the remaining inheritance, he fled to Washington and brought this house. He never was charged with the murder._

_In 1883 a young woman named Victoria Manrip was to be married. She had been walking to her friends home where she was staying till the next day, when she was to be married. Killgrave saw her on the street, carrying her wedding dress, and offered her a ride home on his carriage. He then took her to his own place and drowned her in the river out the back of his house. He then dressed her in her wedding clothes and raped her corpse, before burying her. She was his first victim._

_Between 1883 and 1907 Killgrave killed 18 women. Victoria Montano in 1883, Molly Ringwood in 1884, Mae Sanford in 1884, Angelica Rhoades in 1885, Gladys Barr in 1885, Eliza Liu in 1885, Kerri Benton in 1886, Margarita ‘Peggy’ Chadwick in 1886, Joyce Ebert in 1887, Johanna Fillip in 1887, Arinette Sephra in 1888, Isabella Egge in 1889, Tiffany Kent in 1900, Abigail Tritten in 1903, Savannah Charles in 1904, Drew Frein in 1906 and Victoria Worme in 1907, the last being his own wife. Victoria Worme assisted in the late murders, married Killgrave in 1900 but never took his name._

_All of the victims, save for Victoria Worme, were killed the night before they’re weddings. They were dressed in they’re dresses, then drowned, strangled or tortured, sometimes all three, in this very house. Then they were raped, more than once on some occasions, embalmed, and buried. Killgrave’s uncle was actually an embalmer, who taught him, and Killgrave himself was a tailor, often making his victims dresses. All of the victims are buried out the back of the house._

**_They’re remains were going to be moved in the 1920’sbut they were buried without coffins so the locals and remaining Family didn’t want to excavate. They all have two gravestones, one at cemeteries and another in the back yard._ **

_**Dear god. And they’re all identified?** _

_**Yeah. Killgrave originally marked each grave with a different thing that connected to the victim. So after it was easier to identify. For example Angelica Rhoades had a photo of her imbedded into a rock ect.** _

**_Jesus. Please end the story Ryan, this is very upsetting._ **

_After his wife’s death, authorities came around to investigate, finding the mini graveyard. Killgrave was arrested but was killed after a cousin of his through a stick of dynamite into his cell to break him out._

_**Hahahahahaha (wheeze)** _

_**(Wheeze)** _

_He died from the shock wave and explosion. But this houses harrowing history doesn’t end there. In the 1940’s a woman, named Molly Howler who was pregnant with triplets, came to the house. Her fiancé was a real estate agent trying sell the house. The night before her wedding she was found dead in the bathroom. The autopsy showed signs of shock and a stroke. The babies were saved but two died in infancy. Their cries are heard around the house. The only surviving child moved to Australia with their father and any information about them has disappeared. It’s suspected Molly’s death was at the hands of one of The ghosts._

_Speaking of which lets get into the apparitions. All the victims are seen wandering around the house as apparitions or shadows. Molly, the 40’s victim, is also seen around the house. While the Bride killers victims are often violent, Molly is apparently very calm and tries to protect visitors._

_For our investigation Shane and I are staying for a month. In seperate rooms. We will be recording our experiences and because of how long we’re here for this is a two parter._

~

“Now for a tour of the house.” Ryan says, turning off the camera and grabbing a seperate one. Shane grabs his own. And follows Ryan. They go through the main lounge, through a library, a bathroom, kitchen and dining room. Then they go upstairs to a piano, two bedrooms, one of which is Shane’s, and two bathrooms. While in Shane’s room Matilda just sits on the bed, invisible to everything but Shane, occasionally making whispers in Ryan’s ear, freaking him out. Then they go up to the final room, Killgrave’s bedroom, bathroom and study on the roof, where Ryan is staying.

“And if you freak out, your always welcome in my bed baby.” Shane jokes.

“I know your joking but I will actually.” Ryan says. They then go all the way back downstairs to the mini graveyard for all the victims. Ryan goes through every single one and points out where Molly was found. By the time they’re done its past 7:30. Shane orders a pizza and they eat in the dining room, with a huge flatscreen tv. They stay up, watching Brooklyn nine nine. Then they retire to their respective rooms.

 

~o0O0o~

 

“And where should I stay?” Matilda asks Shane as he changes behind a door.

“Tilly, we both don’t need sleep. And you can cuddle with me.”

“Shane thats weird... should I try to meet Molly?”

“No!” Shane snaps. “Don’t interact with any of the ghosts here. They aren’t Sallie, they aren’t Steve and they aren’t like those sick patients at the hospitals and asylums. I don’t know how powerful these ones are. They’re not powerful enough to banish you but they could hurt you.” Shane pets his sisters face. “Next door is a spare room where we’re keeping equipment. Stay attentive and avoid Ryan and you can stay there. But if anything goes wrong I’m calling Jaiden.”


	2. Lust is a very lonely Lesbian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I HAVE SCHOOL IN A FEW DAYS>.......AHHHHHHHH

Shane wakes up at around 3 am when he senses someone’s presence in his room. He clicks his finger, making the camera in his room have the image of him sleeping, then looks up, nearly banging his head onto a girls head. “Jesus Christ Kay.” He mumbles at the four eyed demon standing next to him. The demon rolls her pink pupils on her larger eyes and her demonic features melt away to reveal a 5’6 girl with brown hair, blue eyes, tan skin, in all black aside from her blue top.

“Hey Shane-y.” The demon of Lust clicks her tongue. A figure in the shadows of his room steps into the light.

“Jaiden, Kayla.” Shane nods, getting out of his bed, his eyes flashing pitch black. “I thought you were coming tomorrow?”

“We thought about it.” The other girl, Jaiden, says. She has shoulder length strawberry blonde hair, green eyes, pale skin, freckles, in a green shirt and black shorts. “Then decided it’d be safer now. Shane, hell is in near chaos. The mark of Cain is on the Winchester, Wrath is dead and half turned demons are escaping. We need our king.”

“Ten more years.” Shane begs.

“We might not even have that. I can’t bargain with all the angels. They’re warring from within, attempting to kill me any time I come to bargain.” Endsong says.

“You must make a choice soon Shane. You might not have a choice.” Kayla says. Shane sighs.

“Send Brallon, Ryden and Peterick to recapture all the abominations. Find a high ranking Wrath demon to fill for Wrath till we find a proper fit. Ask Steve to lure in some angels and get information. Kill them or make them fall. Get Crowley to stay with the Winchesters and Castiel. Jaiden track down Gabriel and you know who. Tell them they better sort out heaven or we’re conquering. Kayla, can you rule for as long as possible.” Shane commands, eyes turning black. Kayla’s second pair of eyes come out, though they look like smaller human eyes, and Jaiden’s eyes turn black with constantly colour changing pupils.

“Yes Shane.”

“Yes your majesty. And what of...Goldsworth?” Kayla hisses the name.

“He is weak and I can handle him. As for Matilda...any leads?” Shane asks, unaware the Tilly is awake and listening through the wall.

“No leads. We’ll ask the Winchester’s.” Jaiden jokes. Her forearms change to a black mineral, like diamonds but absorbing the light, and her ears change to become pointy with fish like fins coming off them to her chin. Kayla’s eyes turn black with two pink pupils and nine pink fox tails sprout out her back. Shane’s black eyes return to normal and he nods as the two demon girls disappear into the shadows. Shane clicks his fingers and the camera returns to normal. He then falls right back to sleep.

 

~o0O0o~

 

“Shane?”

“What? Huh?” Shane zones back in and looks up at his angry friend. Ryan rolls his eyes and grabs the camera.

“You done daydreaming? We’re about to go to the Victims places.” Ryan says. Shane glances behind Ryan and sees his sister pulling a face.

“Yeah, yeah. Lets go.” As they leave the house Shane catches a glimpse of the apparition of a woman dressed in forties clothing with her hair up. Shane sees her mouth demon at him. His eyes flash black and she disappears. He climbs into the passenger seat. Matilda sits in the backseat, invisible to all but him, occasionally pulling faces.

 

~

 

“What would you do if you met a demon?” Shane randomly asks. Ryan gives him a strange look.

“Why?”

“Just curious.”

“I’d probably scream. Then spray it with holy water.” Ryan says.

“And if that didn’t work?” Shane says, acting as cool as possible.

“Try to kill it I guess...” Shane looks over at Ryan and raises an eyebrow.

“And if you couldn’t?”

“I don’t know. Jesus Shane.”

 

~o0O0o~

 

 **Over** **One** **hundred** **and** **fifty** **years** **ago** , **Hell**.

“I don’t know Tilly...I don’t know.” Shane says to his scared sister. She flinches back as his claw tries to caress her cheek. Shane steps back. He’d never seen his sister...scared of him.

“Why did you do it Shane? You knew the consequences, what it could bring.” She looks up at him. Endsong and Lust watch from the corner. Endsong steps forward first. Her skin is paler than her human look, seven horns on her head, all black and purple. To large curved horns that go from her forehead, curve then point diagonally up, two black, tall, classic demon horns and three smaller horns leading up from her forehead. Her mouth is open, revealing fish hook shaped canines, long strawberry blonde hair, black eyes with pupils that run through the entire colour spectrum every five seconds, large black wings, feathers as sharp as knives, a long twisted tail coming out her back, pitch black and looks like the classic demon tail. Her forearms, shoulders and knees are covered in rocks/gemstones that are black and purple. Her feet are literal talons, like an eagle or bird of prey, but pitch black and look like the same mineral as her arms and gems. Her claws are long, but retractable, and are pitch black, sharp as knives. Her ears are pointed with black and purple fish like gills attached from down the ears to her neck. She’s in a blue coat, white blouse and common trousers.

“Matilda, come with me... please” She says. Matilda complies, though she looks terrified, as Endsong leads the small girl to her own residence. Lust steps forward, looking much more human, with only two eyes, though black with pink pupils, ears similar to Endsong but pink and black, and dark pink claws.

“Are you gonna seduce me?” Shane asks the demon, wary.

“Fuck no! I only like girls anyway. I may control sexual urges of any gender but doesn’t mean I like that gender. Listen Shane, you have three options. You can be a regular demon, work under any of the sins or Endsong or other powerful demons such as crossroads or henchmen. Your sister could stay with you but she wouldn’t survive long in her state. Two, you send her up to heaven with Endsong, and you remain a regular demon and get assigned some job on earth. Three you take up my option I offered you earlier.”

“And become even more demonic? Make my own sister fear me more?” Shane hisses, feeling a forked tongue poke out his mouth.

“And be able to hold illusions. Make others fear you. And protect your sister, here.” Lust says.

“Fine.” Shane shakes Lust’s hand. He immediately winces and screams in pain as different parts begin breaking and growing anew.

“Welcome aboard, King of Limbo.”

 

~o0O0o~

 

Shane shakes himself out of the memory and feels his sisters hand on his shoulder. He winces at a few more memories. Eventually he had become king of Hell, more powerful than any demon. Which had unfortunately involved pain, as each status included new features that hurt to gain. He had no idea how Jaiden and Kayla had survived that. Matilda had minor demonic features she could turn on and off. She had five horns, black eyes, ears similar to Kayla and Jaiden, retractable claws and a tail. Shane sighs and looks out the window, listening to Ryan’s breathing.

 

~o0O0o~

 

Ryan looks over Shane again. He’d been zoning out more than usual. He wondered if he was possessed or something. Ryan chuckles at the idea. Shane a demon. No way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Ryden, Brallon and Peterick are references to Emo band ships... sue me.  
> Yes I also made Supernatural references but they won’t show up much. ITS A GOOD SHOW OK?  
> I saw HTTYD 3 the other day...I cried a lot and it made me realise I’m emotional stunted. 
> 
> Thoughts? Ideas? Characters? I’ll be going into Ryan’s pov more next chapter so look forward to that! BaiIIIIIiiiiiiiii


	3. The Piano knows something I don’t

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a surprise for you all at the end!

It’s about three am when Ryan wakes up from a nightmare. In it, one of the victims of the house, Abigail Tritten, had cornered him, screamed in his face, before decapitating him, and he died watching his body being multilated, unable to scream. He wipes the sleep out of his eyes and heads into the room where they’re keeping equipment. As soon as he steps in he freezes.

Matilda hears the door opening and tries to disappear from view. Unfortunately for her, the lump of the quilt remains till she completely disappears. But its to late. Ryan sees the lump and freezes, especially as it slowly dips into the mattress. Its at this point Ryan screams. Shane runs into the room, camera in hand. “Was goin on?” He asks. Ryan is still shaking. Shane pulls him into his chest. “Hey, hey, calm down Ry...what happened?” He glances up at Matilda mouthing ‘sorry.’

“I-I-I...there was...I swear I saw...I saw a ghost.” Shane glares at his sister who shrugs.

“Calm down Ryan. Theres no ghosts.” Ryan shakes and begins sobbing into Shane’s chest. He sobs as he feels Shane’s arms pulling him closer. “Do you wanna go home? Devon will understand...the fans will understand...”

“No!” Ryan mutters. “I’m braver than this.”

For the rest of that night he stays downstairs with Shane, same bed, Ryan snuggling into Shane, scared that if he let go he’d be killed.

 

~o0O0o~

 

**Ryan’s** **pov**

 

I wake up panting from my five minute nightmare. Shane’s gone, first thing I notice. I get up and grab my jumper off the cabinet. I put on Shane’s giant slippers and walk downstairs to the amazing smell of bacon. “Hey Ryan! You ok?”

“Yeah, yeah.” I say, grabbing a plate of bacon. “Why do I smell burnt stuff?”

“Oh yeah... eggs got stuck.” He lifts a pan from the sink to reveal eggs sticking to it. Very, very burnt eggs. I chuckle and pour two glasses of milk. Shane grabs something out of the oven and puts it on my plate. “Hash browns.” He sits down. “Where we going today?”

“Well, we’re investigating more of the history of the women, some of which involve creepy shit. We’re also gonna do our classic house investigation, using the spirit box and stuff.” I say. Shane rolls his eyes at the spirit box.

“I swear I will yeet that thing out the window.” Shane jokes. We go onto social media and do some weird stuff before going to get ready. As I walk up the final stairs to my room I freeze. From the corner of my eye I see a figure. It’s a shadow with a 40’s style up-do. It walks over to me before disappearing. As it does I hear a voice. _Demon...here...not...safe...run!_ Black swirls my vision and I hear the thud as I hit the ground.

 

~o0O0o~

 

**Third** **person** **pov**

 

“L̶̤̥̖͉̲̱̮̻͈̣͋̌͜͜ͅẻ̴̛͉͓͔͚̏̈́͊̽̐͋̈́̋ͅa̴̢͍̩͂̊̓͘v̵̨̹̫͍̭͖̤̈́̍̇̓̒̾̌̉̐͘͘ė̷̢͉̩͔̹̖̪͇̺̦͜͜͝ͅͅ!̴̡̧̙̜̭̯̲͔̔͘” Matilda yells, strangling the shadowy apparition of Molly Howler. Shane runs upstairs to the scene. Matilda’s small horn’s protrude from her head. Her eyes are pitch black and her fingers are claws.

Molly looks young but not human. Her red hair, held up on her head with a pink bandanna, hazel eyes, pale skin, blue forties style dress. However she’s to pale, white and translucent. Her eyes are glowing hazel and Matilda can see through her red hair. Her right forearm and hand are skeletal and her dress is covered in blood, dirt and ripped.

“Tilly...let her go.” Shane says, calmly. Matilda lets the ghost go and Shane walks over. “Who are you?”

_“Demon...”_ Molly hisses. Shane smirks.

“Oh baby you have no idea.” Shane grins, showing his fangs. “Now, what do you want?”

_“Protect...small one...”_

“Yeah, that’s my job. Fuck off.” Shane grins. “Have at her Tilly.”

_“He is in danger...every second...he’s around...you...You will...kill him...”_ The Ghost screams, becoming a red version of a pissed of Galadriel. Matilda growls and swipes her hand through Molly. She freezes and begins to disappear, screaming like a banshee.

“Don’t insult my brother!” Tilly yells as Molly disappears.

 

~

 

“FUCKING HELL SHANE!” Jaiden yells as a woman falls onto her.

“Where am I?” The woman in forties clothing asks.

“Molly Howler. 23, born in 1923.” Kayla reads a checklist off to the woman. She looks up. “Welcome to Hell.”

“No! I was a good person!”

“No you threatened Shane. And Tilly. I’m Endsong, this is Lust.” Jaiden says. “And it appears his majesty has given me a new plaything.”

Molly’s screams echo around Hell as Jaiden tortures her.

“What did you do to her?” Kayla asks as Jaiden smirks outside the door.

“You know John Mulaney? Well there’s this thing he did at a salt and pepper diner...”

 

~o0O0o~

 

“Ryan? Ryan? Ryan!” Ryan blinks only to see Shane’s giant head looking over him. “You ok?”

“There was a ghost! And she said there was a demon!” Ryan yells.

“Whoa! Calm down Ryan.” Shane pulls him into a hug. “You scared me! I thought you....” Shane begins sobbing. Ryan chuckles, forgetting the warning.

“It’s ok big guy...I’m ok.”

“Are you sure? I’ll check for a concussion.” Ryan looks over to see a worried Mark and Devon.

“They got here not long ago.” Shane says, helping prop Ryan up. Devon begins checking his eyes with a light. Ryan wasn’t worried, she’d taken some medical courses in case they were injured on set or filming.

“How long was I-“

“An hour. Devon and Mark were already on their way. I got you to my bed and tried to make sure you were ok.” Shane says, rubbing Ryan’s hand.

“No concussion that I can see, but you do have an egg forming on your forehead. Mark, go get some Ice?” Mark leaves to get some ice or something. As soon as Devon moves Shane wraps Ryan in a tight hug.

“Don’t do that again!” Shane whispers. Ryan chuckles and hugs Shane right back.

 

~o0O0o~

 

“What’s her punishment?” Matilda, in her demonic form, down in hell, asks Jaiden.

“Well! You know John Mulaney? This happened when he was eleven years old in Chicago, Illinois where he grew up and it took place at a little restaurant called The Salt and Pepper Diner, which was a family restaurant in the city. Yes, yes, you know the Salt and Pepper diner? It was a wonderful family restaurant in Chicago, which means that it caters mainly to teenagers and homeless schizophrenics. Now he go into this place one day when he’s eleven with his best friend John. Now I should say that his name is also John, he wasn’t not calling himself his own best friend. It's a separate human being. They walk into the Salt and Pepper diner one day, And they had a jukebox there alright? And the jukebox was three plays for a dollar so they put in SEVEN DOLLARS, And selected 21 plays of Tom Jones' "What's new pussycat" And then they ordered and waited. Here's the thing about when "What's new pussycat" Plays Over and over and over and over and over again. The second time it plays, You're immediate thought is not "Hey! someones playing Whats's new pussycat again" It's "Hey... What's new pussy cat is a lot LONGER than I first thought" "and it has like... a Dip in the middle" You know how some songs have a dip, like "Gun's and roses", "November rain." And your like... "Hey!! November rain's over!!" "No it's not...There's more" The third time it plays, Your thinking "Maybe someone's playing What's new pussycat again." The FOURTH time it plays your thinking..."WOAH" "Someone just played What's new pussycat FOUR times!" Or At least Someone played it twice but its really long song So... The FIFTH time is the kicker. Now they’re watching the ENTIRE diner at this point. MOST people have gotten wind as to what's going on, And we're staring at this One guy. He's sitting in his booth And his like, hand is shaking While his stupid kids jump around, And like he's been onto us since the beginning. And he's staring at his coffee cup like this and there's his look on his face, like, aww like he just got his thirty day chip from anger management. And he's staring like this... And the fourth play fades out... It's dead quiet...And then I don't know if you know this...But the song begins very suddenly...” Jaiden gestures to the door. Suddenly,

BWUAAH BWUAOOH "WHAT's NEW PUSSYCAT?" And the guy goes, “GOOOOODDAMMIT!!!!” And pounds on the table, And silverwear flies everywhere. And it was faaaantastic! But a word about his friend John, And what a genius he was. Because...When they were first up in the jukebox And when they were punching in The "What's new pussycat"s alright? He punched in about seven...And then John says to him, "Hey, hey, hey wait... Before we drop in another What's new pussycat" Let's put in ONE "It's not unusual" And that is when the afternoon went from GOOD to GREAT!”

“After 7 "What's new pussycat"s in a ROW...Suddenly "dum ts nunum ts dum ts nunununununum" "It's not unusual " And the SIGH of RELIEF has SWEPT through the diner. People were ECSTATIC!!! It was like the liberation of france!! You know for years scientists Have wondered... "Can you make grown men and women weep tears of joy by playing Tom Jones'-It's not unusual"? And the answer is...YES! You can "As long as it's proceeded by seven Whats New Pussycat's" And on the other hand...when we went back...Holy Shit! "It's not unusual" fades out...it's dead quiet... "BWaAaAh BwOa" "WHAT's NEW PUSSYCAT?!?" People went fucking insane! No one could handle it! No one could handle it! And they were surrounded by, This like seemingly different staff, That was just like "Yep same shit as always.” John’s ONLY wish is that one of the SCHIZOPHRENICS Stood up and have been like, "Now YOU know" "Now YOU know what it is like to live in my brain.” They unplugged the jukebox after ELEVEN plays...And THAT was the best meal he’d ever had.”

“And that’s what I’m doing to her. Then I’m forcing her to watch the Room!” Jaiden squeals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes...I transcribed the entirety of the Salt and pepper diner...and made it second person...BOW TO ME PEASANTS. here's the actual thing if you want to listen to it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QnkrL42R7gk I highly recommend it! Also tell me what I should do next chapter or in the future! BAIIIIIII!!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Did you enjoy? Please leave your thoughts in the comments.
> 
> Please note, This wasn’t an actual serial killer. He was inspired by the Barbie and Ken killers from the 80’s and the black Dahlia murder. The victims are all fictional.
> 
> Also I respect Ryan and Shane’s romances and personal lives, this Is merely for fiction.


End file.
